Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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