strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
