apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
