Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
