i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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