Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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