tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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