how can u be prego again
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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