where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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