the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
