Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
