Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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