i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
