my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Randomize
