No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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