I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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