all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
