I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
