You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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