Your mouth is God's brothel.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
