Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
