my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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