She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
