he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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