It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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