we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
