You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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