you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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