I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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