If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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