All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
