sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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