at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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