are you still at the devil's house?
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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