wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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