thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
