My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
