Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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