PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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