it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
