And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
