do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
