It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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