FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
