dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
