apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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