hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
