im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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