I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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