the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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