By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
