I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
